Prominent Nashville Residents Propose Constitutional Amendment Giving Congressman Jim Cooper Guaranteed Right to Eat Apple Pie, Watch Baseball Games

Scientists who study humor met at a convention in Omaha today and reported on late-breaking developments. Among them was a study from northern Finland that concluded that most people don't get satire, and haven't a clue what the point of a particular joke or article was. The attending scientists observed that failure to get the point of a satirical comment could lead to violence against its author, or other serious harm.

In other news, a large group of wealthy and prominent residents of Nashville, Tennessee, are proposing an amendment to the U.S. Constitution giving their congressman, Jim Cooper, right to enjoy eating apple pie and to watch baseball games, at least on television. The group was inspired by recent actions by Cooper himself, which included introducing a bill to cut salaries of those in Congress unless they balance the budget, and Cooper's own proposed constitutional amendment guaranteeing Americans the right to vote.

"We are very grateful to Representative Cooper for his long service, his innovative ideas, and his courageous and sometimes controversial stands on issues," said Audrey Wharewell, a prominent local attorney. "He is an example to others in Congress to do the right thing."

Cooper attended an event where the proposed amendment was announced, an event filled to the brim with attorneys and local reporters, including no less than eight different members of the Seigenthaler family.

"I am grateful to my constituents," Cooper said at the end of the gathering. 'They always treat me right. That is why I felt good about guaranteeing them the right to vote; I know them well, and they know me well."

The proposed amendment would not give Cooper the right to actually attend particular baseball games, especially if they were sold out; it would only guarantee his right to watch them on television. And he would have to pay for any tickets to games he actually attended.

"That's all right with me," Cooper said. "I always pay my own way. And quite frankly, I usually watch the games on TV anyway, sitting on a comfortable couch at home."