Don's Blog: Tennessee Legislature Set to Ban Hugging in Public--At Least By Heterosexuals

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Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Tennessee Legislature Set to Ban Hugging in Public--At Least By Heterosexuals

The state legislature in Tennessee, which has been struggling with a host of cutting-edge issues lately, such as whether wine can be sold in supermarkets, and whether gay students can speak with guidance counselors at school, has boldly moved into a new area, seemingly out of nowhere.

A new bill to be voted on shortly would ban heterosexuals from hugging in public. While the bill applies to all individuals, married couples would be able to apply to a newly-created state board for an exemption that would allow them to hug in public during daylight hours on weekdays--but no more then once a month.

Andrey Harwell, the legislature's spokesperson, said at a hastily convened press conference in Nashville that the purpose of the bill was to "gain back control of morality in this state, in the most practical way."

"For years, we got sidetracked into this gay business," he said. 'We now realize that that's a loser. The gays operate behind the scene, and they started working to expose legislators' sons and daughters, to out them. Once they do that, the legislator has to come around their way on legislation. With straight folks, we don't have to worry about that. We're no longer dealing with an organized, well-funded minority group. This just makes more practical sense.

"People accept it better when you make everybody stop doing something, even if it is something they like to do. Misery loves company; they don't care much if the other guy can't do it, either."

One of the reporters at the conference, John Seigenthaler 4.7, asked if the bill would allow only members of the opposite sex to hug each other. "Could a straight man, for instance, hug a gay man in public?"

The question seemed to befuddle Harwell for a moment, but he quickly recovered and said, "That's for our Tennessee lawyers to work out. They need the work, too. Their work has been down during the recession, like everybody else's, and they need the billable hours. This will help them, at least to a certain extent.

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