Nashville: The Mood Part 3 released in all major e-reader formats

Nashville: The Mood Part 3, the third volume in a series about the city, has been released on all major e-reader formats. The continuing story of tormented preachers, soulful prostitutes, uninspiring politicians and city officials, and the inner bitterness within, moves forward gracefully. Appropriate for all ages with a mature mindset.

Congressman Jim Cooper Takes Controversial Stand On Hemp Legalization

Scientists studying the bottom of the ocean off the coast of the Philippines have discovered that certain fish at such lower depths have a great sense of humor, particularly at the expense of their brethren at shallower depths. They have been known to look up and comment sarcastically on the shapes and activities of what they call the "cloud dwellers."

Meanwhile, in Nashville, Tennessee, Congressman Jim Cooper, known for taking some of the most courageous and controversial stands of any member of Congress, held a lively press conference yesterday dealing with the burning issue of hemp legalization. The Tennessee legislature recently passed a bill allowing hemp to be grown in Tennessee, but Federal law prohibits it, and Congress would have to take up the matter. The press conference was packed with various member of the Seigenthaler clan, who have dogged Cooper for years on a host of issues.

In response to a direct question on hemp legalization, Cooper said that "the issue of hemp legalization can be a divisive one. It divides our citizenry, our legal and policing authorities, and our medical community. But I will not allow the prospect of potential divisiveness to deter me from taking a courageous stand. I am currently studying the issue and will, at the proper time, take the position that is the most correct one. We know that some people are for it, and some people are against it. That is understandable. But we must always strive to do the right thing, not only in the short run, but in the long one as well.

Asked if there was a cliche with which he was not familiar, Cooper responded with his characteristic honesty and humor: "I know most of them. Perhaps not every single one, but most of them. And I try not to let any of them that I do not go unused. there is nothing more pitiful than an unused cliche; I almost feel sorry for it."

Cooper, unlike most members, has been known to split himself into two entities, or even several, in order to represent his constituents effectively. If a poll had shown such divisiveness as he referred to, on any issue, he has been able to split himself into, for instance, a 52% Jim Cooper, a 27% Jim Cooper, and a 16% Jim Cooper, totaling 95%. For the remaining 5%, he formed an Undecided Jim Cooper (surely a strange position for the Congressman, who detests indecisiveness and lack of moral fiber of stand-taking. Citizens of Washington often see one portion or another of the Congressman walking the streets near the Capitol, subdivided by individual issue. Only in the late evening, when all pieces get together in the same room, does the Congressman appear as a fully formed person.

Congressman Jim Cooper Holds Press Conference To Discuss Progress In Choosing His Opposition In Next Election

Congressman Jim Cooper (D-TN) representing the Nashville area, held a quiet press conference yesterday to discuss the situation regarding the opposition in his next election. The congressman has traditionally selected the opposition to run against him in order to give the voters the feeling that there was a choice in the elections, both in the primary and the general election. Cooper long ago decided that it simply didn't look good to have no real opposition election after election, so he pioneered the method of selecting his opposition, in stages, to give voters the feeling of a real election, complete with advertising, sometimes even negative, and debates.

Cooper said that he was still deciding on both primary opposition and general election opposition, but that the opposing candidates would be selected by early next year, "definitely by the end of February--I'm going on a long vacation after that."

Cooper said the challenge "obviously is to find someone for each race who will play their part, the part they have agreed to play, without letting their ego intervene and get out of control, turning it into an actual competitive race. That would, after all, defeat the purpose.

"We'll get it done, and in plenty of time. It does seem like it gets more difficult with each election. Candidates don't seem to like just going through the motions anymore; they want to take a real swing at winning the whole thing, after I've been good enough to make them famous, at least for an election cycle. They'll at least be a footnote in the history books; that's good enough for most people."

The lone reporter at the press conference, John Seigenthaler 7.87, a descendant of the famous publisher, asked several probing questions. One was how the congressman was feeling (Fine!). Another was how his wife was doing (Fine!). A third was about how the Washington Redskins had done this season (I've seen both better and worse.).

But Cooper seemed to bristle at a question about whether Cooper could simply dispense with the process of picking his own opponents for what some call a "phony" election.

"The people who follow it don't think it is phony," Cooper retorted, "even when they know about the process we follow here. They watch the coverage, or read it, and they see the commercials and watch the debates. They read the biographies of the candidates and their spouses, as if it was their own family they were reading about. At the end of it all, they feel they have particpated in American democracy at its best. What else can give them that feeling?

"And something else as well. There are some, a minority but an intelligent minority, who know that we have put the whole show together, that it is different from elections in other states, even other elections in Tennessee. They see it as entertainment. But you know something? They think it is damned good entertainment!"

Congressman Jim Cooper To Hold Series Of Town Hall Meetings On NSA Spying

In the forests of remote Indonesia. a panel of zoologists reported that satire is often used among Komodo dragons to ease tensions and to make political points within a group. The giant lizards, some as long as twelve feet, have long been known for their barbed comments and straight-faced humor.

Meanwhile, in Nashville, Tennessee, Congressman Jim Cooper (D-TN) announced that he would be holding a somewhat lengthy series of town hall meetings to learn his constituents' views on NSA and other government spying. Cooper, no stranger to wading into controversial waters, even when his fellow congressmen and women fear to, said that the only way to learn what citizens thought is to simply ask them.

"We're being very proactive on this," Cooper said yesterday. "The old argument is that citizens, voters, will let their elected representatives know when they are for something, or even against it. But in the case of all this government spying revealed recently, no one knew about it, so they couldn't inform their representatives of their position in the matter. It's pretty outrageous. Well, we're going to ask them.

"I want to know; Do you want your telephone calls monitored, or listened to? Do you want your e-mails read? Do you want your letters scanned or read? We're not waiting for voters to write to us; we're going out and find them and get their views. It's simply never been done before in this fashion, to this extent."

Cooper, who noted that he planned to hold at least a dozen separate meetings on the matter, said he personally had no position on spying, somewhat unusual for the congressman known for taking the firmest stands on any and all controversial matters. "Some things are so evenly balanced that I honestly can't decide. On this one, I need the voters to decide it for me."

Prominent Nashville Residents Propose Constitutional Amendment Giving Congressman Jim Cooper Guaranteed Right to Eat Apple Pie, Watch Baseball Games

Scientists who study humor met at a convention in Omaha today and reported on late-breaking developments. Among them was a study from northern Finland that concluded that most people don't get satire, and haven't a clue what the point of a particular joke or article was. The attending scientists observed that failure to get the point of a satirical comment could lead to violence against its author, or other serious harm.

In other news, a large group of wealthy and prominent residents of Nashville, Tennessee, are proposing an amendment to the U.S. Constitution giving their congressman, Jim Cooper, right to enjoy eating apple pie and to watch baseball games, at least on television. The group was inspired by recent actions by Cooper himself, which included introducing a bill to cut salaries of those in Congress unless they balance the budget, and Cooper's own proposed constitutional amendment guaranteeing Americans the right to vote.

"We are very grateful to Representative Cooper for his long service, his innovative ideas, and his courageous and sometimes controversial stands on issues," said Audrey Wharewell, a prominent local attorney. "He is an example to others in Congress to do the right thing."

Cooper attended an event where the proposed amendment was announced, an event filled to the brim with attorneys and local reporters, including no less than eight different members of the Seigenthaler family.

"I am grateful to my constituents," Cooper said at the end of the gathering. 'They always treat me right. That is why I felt good about guaranteeing them the right to vote; I know them well, and they know me well."

The proposed amendment would not give Cooper the right to actually attend particular baseball games, especially if they were sold out; it would only guarantee his right to watch them on television. And he would have to pay for any tickets to games he actually attended.

"That's all right with me," Cooper said. "I always pay my own way. And quite frankly, I usually watch the games on TV anyway, sitting on a comfortable couch at home."

Congressman Jim Cooper Introduces Controversial Marijuana Legislation

In the world of science today, scientists studying life at the bottom of the ocean report that creatures who dwell there are less likely to belly laugh at funny TV shows, for fear of bursting, than fish that swim near the surface. The experiment actually placed old twelve-inch black-and-white television sets at different ocean depths to provoke the reactions.

Meanwhile, in Washington, D.C., Congressman Jim Cooper (D-TN), long known for a history of controversial stands on issues (he recently predicted that the law of gravity would continue to operate as it has always done), introduced legislation in the wake of the passage of laws in Washington state and Colorado decriminalizing marijuana. Cooper's bill would set up a Federal Commission to study the interrelationship between Federal and state law enforcement officials in enforcing the laws prohibiting marijuana usage. "It's going to look at their "joint" efforts," Cooper cracked at a news conference announcing the move.

A young reporter from the Nashville Tennessean, John Seigenthaler 3.5, asked Cooper if he was taking a stand on the "virtues or perils" of marijuana legalization. "No, and this panel won't do that, either," Cooper replied. "It will study how the different enforcement agencies have interacted in the past, so we can determine if they should interact in the same way in the future." Asked if he expected the legislation to be controversial, Cooper smiled and said, "Of course. I introduced it, didn't I? That alone makes it controversial. Have you forgotten my long history"

The bill calls for the committee, which has no authority to write or recommend future legislation, to report no later than December 31, 2049.

Back to the world of biology, scientists who study other scientists say that those who study birds in flight and those who study snakes in the grass both tend to develop cricks in their necks, but in different locations...

Congressman Jim Cooper Takes Very Controversial Stand

In our news today, a British panel has issued its findings on the role of satire in today's society.

But first, Congressman Jim Cooper (D-TN) has taken perhaps the most controversial stand of his long career. Speaking before a group of reporters in Nashville, Cooper said that he believed that the law of gravity would operate tomorrow as it does today.

"If you roll a pencil off of a desk tomorrow, it will fall to the floor just like it does today," Cooper said.

Asked by John Seigenthaler III, a local reporter, if it was not risky for Cooper to be taking such a stand in advance of release of the findings of a Federally funded group of experts on the subject, expected to be released in two weeks, Cooper responded, "All of my life I have taken controversial stands that were ahead of their time, and I have no intention of stopping now."

Asked by another local reporter, John Seigenthaler IV, if he was ready to sign on to another topic of high interest, whether the sun would continue to rise in the East, Cooper said he needed more time to study the issue.

"Each topic must be decided on a case-by-case basis," he said.

Meanwhile, the panel in Great Britain looking into the effects of satire on modern living reported that most individuals don't recognize satirical statements either when they hear or read them, and therefore tend to take them very seriously, without enjoying the humor in them.