Don's Blog: Obama, Romney Jointly File Lawsuit, Protesting Head Injuries Suffered in Debates

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Friday, November 16, 2012

Obama, Romney Jointly File Lawsuit, Protesting Head Injuries Suffered in Debates

In an extraordinary joint press conference, President Obama and former Republican contender Mitt Romney announced that they were suing the Federal Elections Commission for injuries, mostly head injuries, suffered during televised debates.

"After all this partisan bickering, it is nice to be in the same corner with Governor Romney," the President said to a packed room of reporters. "I told him we had better get on this thing earlier rather than later, and he agreed...I am only now starting to feel the effects of the long series of debates I participated in in 2007 and 2008, and Secretary Clinton has told me the same thing. Blackouts without warning, memory lapses, slurred words. You guys have been nice enough not to mention it, but if you look for it, it is there. I've noticed it...I would hate to think what you guys would have done with poor Dan Quayle on something like this...You would have eaten him alive, when actually it is not his fault.

"I noticed Governor Romney being a little slower than I expected during our debates. That was probably the effect he was feeling from the 2007 debates. After the long series he had this year, he is gonna be in desperate shape in just a few years."

Asked what the two were seeking in the way of damages, the President responded, "I don't have an amount in my mind yet, but somebody owes us some money. We'll have serious medical bills, and that may be more than the health system can provide."

Questioned about the role of the FEC in their injuries, Romney said, "They should have warned us. Politics is one of our most important spectator sports, and the debates are the highlights of this sport. We provide entertainment for millions of Americans. We've given our part; now we want compensation for our injuries."

The two men mentioned other issues, such as the damage to their eyes from television lights, and to their ears from studio applause, and the varicose veins that developed from standing during the numerous debates.

A reporter asked whether Hilary Clinton would be joining in on the lawsuit, but before either man could answer, both men simultaneously fainted.

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