Benjamin Netanyahu, Despondent and Desparate Over Obama's Re-Election, Launches Himself On Solitary Missile Strike Against Iran

In the world of science today, a group of biologists studying an advanced colony of ants in the dense jungle at the edge of the Australian desert announced that the ants seemed to have engaged in a "lively, nuanced, lengthy, and intelligent debate" over the U.S. Presidential election over the four-month period leading up to November 6. "I guess we'll eventually have to define those terms," one of the scientists acknowledged, "if we're going to convince the public of this, and get them on board as to its importance." The group reported that a larger group of less sentient ants was kept in the dark about both the pre-election discussion and the results of the election itself.

Meanwhile, in Israel overnight, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu launched himself on a solo missile strike against Iran. Netanyahu, who was still in orbit as this story was being written, held a short press conference shortly before he took off, where he commented that, "Obama is never going to do this thing, so I have to just do it myself. That doesn't worry me; I can do that." Asked if the President's reluctance to draw a "red line" was the only reason for his action, Netanyahu candidly admitted that "I've always liked Dr. Strangelove, and for years I've always wanted to 'do a Slim Pickens.' I finally decided that the only way to do it was just to do it and get it out of my system. To combine it with bombing Iran--well, it is always better when you can kill two birds with one missle."

Then he took off, soaring high over the clear desert sky before disappearing. Officials in Iran, surprisingly, had no comment.