Amidst Obamacare Flap, Netanyahu Quietly Replaces Obama, Biden With Alan Dershowitz, Jeffrey Toobin

As the controversy over the Obamacare website unfolded over the last month, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel quietly fired Barack Obama and Joe Biden, and replaced them with Alan Dershowitz and Jeffrey Toobin,as President and Vice President, respectively.

"I didn't like the job they were doing, so I fired them," Netanyahu said casually when asked about the matter at a press conference in Tel Aviv. "It really is that simple."

Asked for his reasons, The Prime Minister said, "Primarily Iran. Listen, I gave Barack Obama four years to take care of this problem, far more than I would normally have given an American President...It was getting very frustrating...It was almost like he forgot whom he was working for."

Pressed for why he selected the two men as replacements, he answered enthusiastically,  "It was a no-brainer...Alan has long been a loyal supporter; there are none better in the U.S., or even the world. We can count on his support no matter what we do,,,As for Jeff, I have liked his recent comments on the Snowden situation and the NSA. He is good at being both a principled civil libertarian and an ardent supporter of the type of governmental surveillance we need to keep order in the two countries."

A reporter from the Washington Post asked if this was a "nuclear option" in the scheme of actions he could have taken; Netanyahu objected to the term.

"I'm a bit uncomfortable with that term, because of the Iranian situation. But I did try everything, you have to admit that...But you can only accuse a man of being Neville Chamberlain so many times...Hell, most people don't even know who that is...Maybe I should have accused him of being Justin Bieber or Lady Gaga..."

As he was winding down the press conference, Netanyahu was asked if he regretted using the term "nuclear option."

"No, not really. After all, you used the term first; I just responded to it...And I did try everything I could think of before doing this..."

He shrugged and lit a cigar. "And---like all things nuclear, I can always deny saying it."

US Government Falls Due to Wikileaks, NSA Revelations

The United States government fell this afternoon as a result of weaknesses caused initially by the Wikileaks revelations of 2010, and greatly aggravated more recently by the news of spying on Americans citizens, foreign governments, and international associations by the National Security Agency.

Supporters of the secrets disclosed by those revelations had long maintained that such admissions, and the information contained within them, would eventually bring down the Federal government of the US; skeptics had downplayed the possibility. It had been hoped that the recently completed prosecution of Bradley Manning would stem the tide until the arrests and imprisonment of Julian Assange and Edward Snowden could be arranged.

"We didn't make it," CNN legal commentator Jeffrey Toobin, a supporter of the secret-keeping, told the New York Times. "now terrorists are running wild in the streets of Washington, politicians are fleeing back to the heartland, and all appears to be lost. The only thing left to do is to rebuild from the ashes."

A representative of what was left of officials in Washington, DC said that all previously schedule sporting events in the city would take place, since a majority of the occupying terrorists were sports fans, although they preferred soccer.