Bob Dylan Awarded Golden Lyrics Prize by UNITE!

 In Nashville, Tennessee today, a federal judge ruled that the city's laws banning satire in all forms was unconstitutional. Judge Ernest Thomas Basse ruled that satire must be permitted if a person has completed a six-week training program and paid a reasonable licensing fee.

But first, the group United Nonconformists Intersecting with Transcontinental Entertainment! (UNITE!) has awarded its prestigious Golden Lyrics Award to singer-songwriter Bob Dylan. The group, which is headquartered at the southernmost edge of Argentina, announced the award in an e-mail released this afternoon.

"Bob Dylan has affected many lives," the group's president, Michael Spillane said. "He has touched many, directly and indirectly."

The award comes with some conditions.

"We learned from what the Nobel Prize Committee went through five years ago," Spillane said.

Dylan must publicly acknowledge the award and submit an essay setting forth how what he regards as his top fifteen songs came about, and how the experiences behind them impacted him. The essay must be submitted within thirty days. Dylan must also personally travel to the group's headquarters to receive the award on July 4th of this year.

"No need to drag it out any longer than necessary," explained Spillane.

If Dylan meets the conditions, and if reaction to the prize over the next two years is generally favorable, UNITE! will pay Dylan a possible total of three million dollars in annual installments over the next twenty-five years. Dylan must also perform an annual private concert for the group's officers and employees at the organization's headquarters in July of each year for the same twenty-five year period.

Dylan has yet to comment on the award.